Dear Diary
Alexa and I have been discussing her plans for her musical career, and I was very excited when she suggested that I could be a good maid for her, the sissy that I am loved the thought of me being dressed in black high heels, white stockings, skin tight satin french maids uniform, long flowing brown wig, make-up, white lacy lingerie and bra and then whilst dressed as such doing her washing and cooking. There would always be days when I am a man but I am a sissy and I should never forget that I am a sissy and a sissy doesn't deserve to be anything else than a slave, to be used by their domina for their dominas pleasure and amusement. The most exciting part of the day for me was when Alexa instructed me to write on my body with a permanent marker the words - PROPRIETATE PRIVATA A ALEXEI - PRIVATE PROPERTY OF ALEXA over my chest and my smooth hairless abdomen. I found this to be very exciting and sensual and as ordered I took a picture of myself and sent it to Alexa. This phrase is what is going to be tattooed on my abdomen and will be a permanent reminder that I belong to her, that I am Alexa's property and that no woman can lay claim to me. I am owned by Alexa and soon I will be collared by her also. I am hers till the day I die to use as she sees fit and to abuse as she sees fit my sole concern is to serve her well and to become a better slave for her. Alexa has instructed me that from the 1st of June I am forbidden from having sex and that is something I am proud to honour no woman shall again touch my body, no woman's lips shall touch mine. I am not sure if Alexa wishes me to stop masturbating or whether I will be granted release but that is a decision that is Alexa's to make and not mine. It is only my responsibility to carry out her orders and her desires nothing more. I am nervous about the tattoo as I have never had one before and I do not know how painful it will be but I am also proud that Alexa wishes to tattoo me with notice of her ownership of me. My life is now hers to do with as she pleases and that I could not be happier about.
Monday, 11 May 2009
Sunday 10th May, 2009
Dear Diary
With each passing day I get nearer to meeting Alexa and to taking my place as her slave. Alexa showed me a video of a domina whipping a man and informed me that soon it will be me getting whipped till blood is drawn. I have never been whipped so ferociously before, so I do not know if I can take such a beating but I will do my best to endure it. When I get to Bucharest I will ask Alexa if there is any bars which do karaoke as I think it would be really fun if Alexa, Fery, Angela and I went and sung some songs at a karaoke bar. We sang to each other over our microphones in yahoo messenger and that was a lot of fun and I think it will be cool to go to karaoke bars and sing songs together. I cant sing at all certainly not like Alexa can, she is a sensational singer as well as stunningly beautiful. But I try to sing as well as I can but if nothing else Im sure that how bad I am will make Alexa, Fery and Angela laugh as well as anyone else who can hear. There is a lot of musical ability in my family which is quite surprising why I have none I guess its because I got talent in other areas such as writing, which I hope Im good at. But for singing I definitely do not compare to Alexa, she sings like an angel and reminds me of a mystical being who sings her siren song and enthrals men to her power and commands them to do as she wishes. I certainly feel her power. I now understand better what my new life will be when im in Romania and im glad I will be with Alexa all the time except when at work and the times she doesn't desire my presence. I am still learning what it means to be a slave and to be her slave but in time and in the years to come my ability as her slave will improve as she trains me and points me in the right direction. Perhaps she sees more of what I can become than of what I am now, right now I am an untrained sub but under her watchful and caring gaze I could blossom like a flower into a radiant slave who knows instinctively what she wants from a look, a mood or a raise of her eyebrow and either be that or provide that for her. That is what I feel I will become for her a pet who will adore her and long to be praised by her.
With each passing day I get nearer to meeting Alexa and to taking my place as her slave. Alexa showed me a video of a domina whipping a man and informed me that soon it will be me getting whipped till blood is drawn. I have never been whipped so ferociously before, so I do not know if I can take such a beating but I will do my best to endure it. When I get to Bucharest I will ask Alexa if there is any bars which do karaoke as I think it would be really fun if Alexa, Fery, Angela and I went and sung some songs at a karaoke bar. We sang to each other over our microphones in yahoo messenger and that was a lot of fun and I think it will be cool to go to karaoke bars and sing songs together. I cant sing at all certainly not like Alexa can, she is a sensational singer as well as stunningly beautiful. But I try to sing as well as I can but if nothing else Im sure that how bad I am will make Alexa, Fery and Angela laugh as well as anyone else who can hear. There is a lot of musical ability in my family which is quite surprising why I have none I guess its because I got talent in other areas such as writing, which I hope Im good at. But for singing I definitely do not compare to Alexa, she sings like an angel and reminds me of a mystical being who sings her siren song and enthrals men to her power and commands them to do as she wishes. I certainly feel her power. I now understand better what my new life will be when im in Romania and im glad I will be with Alexa all the time except when at work and the times she doesn't desire my presence. I am still learning what it means to be a slave and to be her slave but in time and in the years to come my ability as her slave will improve as she trains me and points me in the right direction. Perhaps she sees more of what I can become than of what I am now, right now I am an untrained sub but under her watchful and caring gaze I could blossom like a flower into a radiant slave who knows instinctively what she wants from a look, a mood or a raise of her eyebrow and either be that or provide that for her. That is what I feel I will become for her a pet who will adore her and long to be praised by her.
Sunday, 10 May 2009
Saturday 9th May, 2009
Dear Diary
Today with a lot of help from Alexa I booked my flights to Bucharest. Alexa found a website which had cheap flights from London to Bucharest and as such I was able to get a return flight for 140 Euros. All I need to do now is contact them on the Sunday 14th June to confirm that I will be going and to renew my passport and then everything will be sorted for my departure to Bucharest to meet Alexa. Im very excited about meeting Alexa, exploring Bucharest and learning about another culture. Im very relieved that the flights are now sorted and are in place as I was unnecessarily worrying about it when I needn't have done. I feel I angered Alexa with my panicking and Im sure when we meet I will receive the punishment that I deserve and I will do my best to take my punishment without crying but I have no doubt its in my best interests to become a better slave. This weekend I also got my webcam and microphone and have been installing it so that Alexa can see and hear me. I was punished on webcam by Alexa for disappointing her which im very sad about but she told me after my punishment that I had been a good bitch so I dearly hope I had done something to please her today. I also met Fery and Angela through the webcam and we played a game of I-Spy where my punishment for not getting an answer right was to insert a pen into my anus. I loved the sensation of the pen entering my bottom and I cant wait to have more items inserted there like the good sissy bitch I wish to become. Im sure there will be many more objects I will fill my bottom with and that excites me a lot. I was also instructed to perform a strip for Alexa on cam as well which I hoped caused her to laugh she then ordered me to cum on my hand and then slowly eat it from my fingers which I did and I was surprised to find I quite liked the taste and Im sure that this will not be the last time I will eat my cum for Alexa on cam in fact I think my cum is going to become part of my diet and thats something I could never have imagined possible before I became the property of Alexa.
Today with a lot of help from Alexa I booked my flights to Bucharest. Alexa found a website which had cheap flights from London to Bucharest and as such I was able to get a return flight for 140 Euros. All I need to do now is contact them on the Sunday 14th June to confirm that I will be going and to renew my passport and then everything will be sorted for my departure to Bucharest to meet Alexa. Im very excited about meeting Alexa, exploring Bucharest and learning about another culture. Im very relieved that the flights are now sorted and are in place as I was unnecessarily worrying about it when I needn't have done. I feel I angered Alexa with my panicking and Im sure when we meet I will receive the punishment that I deserve and I will do my best to take my punishment without crying but I have no doubt its in my best interests to become a better slave. This weekend I also got my webcam and microphone and have been installing it so that Alexa can see and hear me. I was punished on webcam by Alexa for disappointing her which im very sad about but she told me after my punishment that I had been a good bitch so I dearly hope I had done something to please her today. I also met Fery and Angela through the webcam and we played a game of I-Spy where my punishment for not getting an answer right was to insert a pen into my anus. I loved the sensation of the pen entering my bottom and I cant wait to have more items inserted there like the good sissy bitch I wish to become. Im sure there will be many more objects I will fill my bottom with and that excites me a lot. I was also instructed to perform a strip for Alexa on cam as well which I hoped caused her to laugh she then ordered me to cum on my hand and then slowly eat it from my fingers which I did and I was surprised to find I quite liked the taste and Im sure that this will not be the last time I will eat my cum for Alexa on cam in fact I think my cum is going to become part of my diet and thats something I could never have imagined possible before I became the property of Alexa.
Friday, 8 May 2009
Friday 8th May, 2009
Dear Diary
I have been cruelly denied talking to my beloved domina Alexa due to having to work today. Thankfully as I write this blog entry I am able to talk to her. I have missed her all day and have been thinking about her constantly. I have got my webcam and microphone so will soon be able to see her and speak to her and for her to see and hear me which i cant wait. I have also done as she has commanded with regards to clearing the forest of my genitals and also of removing the hair under my arms. I love how soft and smooth my skin looks and feels. I took several pictures to show Alexa and I am really pleased as to how being shaved makes me look. I really hope that when Alexa sees the photos of me tomorrow that she loves them and loves how much more of a sissy im becoming for her. I love completing tasks for Alexa as through carrying out each one I feel more submissive and much more that Im becoming hers and that Im beginning to be moulded and shaped into exactly what she desires. I have never shaved my genitals before but I definitely feel it is much more feminine and sissyish to do so and now that I have done so could never see myself going back to being hairy there. I think there is a lot that Alexa will teach me about femininity and there is so much i wish to learn. She has promised to dress me in her clothes when I see her in July and I cant wait to try them on and to feel them on my skin. I dont know if eventually Alexa will decide for me to become more and more feminine but she has said she wants me to remain a man for most of the time. But if Alexa grew to want me to become increasingly more feminine over time then I will become whatever she wants me to become. Her opinion is all that matters and whilst I believe she wont desire any permanent female changes to my body if she ever does then they will happen. Im so excited about my webcam and microphone and cant wait till installing it on Saturday.
I have been cruelly denied talking to my beloved domina Alexa due to having to work today. Thankfully as I write this blog entry I am able to talk to her. I have missed her all day and have been thinking about her constantly. I have got my webcam and microphone so will soon be able to see her and speak to her and for her to see and hear me which i cant wait. I have also done as she has commanded with regards to clearing the forest of my genitals and also of removing the hair under my arms. I love how soft and smooth my skin looks and feels. I took several pictures to show Alexa and I am really pleased as to how being shaved makes me look. I really hope that when Alexa sees the photos of me tomorrow that she loves them and loves how much more of a sissy im becoming for her. I love completing tasks for Alexa as through carrying out each one I feel more submissive and much more that Im becoming hers and that Im beginning to be moulded and shaped into exactly what she desires. I have never shaved my genitals before but I definitely feel it is much more feminine and sissyish to do so and now that I have done so could never see myself going back to being hairy there. I think there is a lot that Alexa will teach me about femininity and there is so much i wish to learn. She has promised to dress me in her clothes when I see her in July and I cant wait to try them on and to feel them on my skin. I dont know if eventually Alexa will decide for me to become more and more feminine but she has said she wants me to remain a man for most of the time. But if Alexa grew to want me to become increasingly more feminine over time then I will become whatever she wants me to become. Her opinion is all that matters and whilst I believe she wont desire any permanent female changes to my body if she ever does then they will happen. Im so excited about my webcam and microphone and cant wait till installing it on Saturday.
Thursday, 7 May 2009
Thursday 7th May, 2009
Dear Diary
I was talking to Alexa and saying my hope is to become her total slave. I want to be nothing more than a piece of meat for her to abuse at times whilst on others I wish to be her closest friend able to share my inner most feelings to her and to listen to hers. I told her about my own most painful memories and she thanked me for trusting her. It felt good to be able to share that with her as I have never told anyone about them before and other than her I never will. I feel safe with Alexa and feel a happiness and a completeness which I have never felt before. She is a wonderful person and one who I admire, adore, respect and feel so comfortable giving myself to utterly. Until meeting her I had had submissive feelings and tendencies all my life, but through getting to know her I have felt myself being drawn to her power and to the realisation I am a slave. I am Alexa's slave and I know that under her guidance and training I am going to grow and become what it is we both desire of me. I am still very inexperienced and I know at first I will make mistakes which I hope will become less and less as Alexa moulds me and shapes me into what it means to be a piece of property. I took several naked photographs to show her and she told me that I must shave my arm pits and my genitals. I cant wait to shave those parts of my body to be able to feel the smoothness of my skin. I have a feminine side to me as well which I shared with Alexa and to my delight she loved, she calls me her 'sweet sissy' and I blush with pride whenever she calls me it. I am a sissy and long to become a better feminised sissy under her elegant tuition. I can tell she will love dressing me and who knows will treat me like a sister or as a dirty whore. I told her of my desire to be treated like a slutty filthy hooker, I find it exciting to degraded and made to feel like a dirty street walking tart and to dress like one for Alexa's amusement would be very kinky and sexy. I would hope that she would take pictures of me which she could laugh at and use to humiliate me with. I will explore so many different fantasies with her, sometimes hers and sometimes mine but together our bond and our sessions will always be charged with energy, power and ecstatic bliss. I sense there is such a vast depth of intentions Alexa has for me as well as dark plans and I cannot wait, I will revel in her cries of laughter as she uses me in ways she has perhaps never used a slave before, to such depths that corrupt my innocence to the point of no return. I will give myself to her freely and willingly and joyously follow her to our decadent and hedonistic life together.
I was talking to Alexa and saying my hope is to become her total slave. I want to be nothing more than a piece of meat for her to abuse at times whilst on others I wish to be her closest friend able to share my inner most feelings to her and to listen to hers. I told her about my own most painful memories and she thanked me for trusting her. It felt good to be able to share that with her as I have never told anyone about them before and other than her I never will. I feel safe with Alexa and feel a happiness and a completeness which I have never felt before. She is a wonderful person and one who I admire, adore, respect and feel so comfortable giving myself to utterly. Until meeting her I had had submissive feelings and tendencies all my life, but through getting to know her I have felt myself being drawn to her power and to the realisation I am a slave. I am Alexa's slave and I know that under her guidance and training I am going to grow and become what it is we both desire of me. I am still very inexperienced and I know at first I will make mistakes which I hope will become less and less as Alexa moulds me and shapes me into what it means to be a piece of property. I took several naked photographs to show her and she told me that I must shave my arm pits and my genitals. I cant wait to shave those parts of my body to be able to feel the smoothness of my skin. I have a feminine side to me as well which I shared with Alexa and to my delight she loved, she calls me her 'sweet sissy' and I blush with pride whenever she calls me it. I am a sissy and long to become a better feminised sissy under her elegant tuition. I can tell she will love dressing me and who knows will treat me like a sister or as a dirty whore. I told her of my desire to be treated like a slutty filthy hooker, I find it exciting to degraded and made to feel like a dirty street walking tart and to dress like one for Alexa's amusement would be very kinky and sexy. I would hope that she would take pictures of me which she could laugh at and use to humiliate me with. I will explore so many different fantasies with her, sometimes hers and sometimes mine but together our bond and our sessions will always be charged with energy, power and ecstatic bliss. I sense there is such a vast depth of intentions Alexa has for me as well as dark plans and I cannot wait, I will revel in her cries of laughter as she uses me in ways she has perhaps never used a slave before, to such depths that corrupt my innocence to the point of no return. I will give myself to her freely and willingly and joyously follow her to our decadent and hedonistic life together.
Wednesday, 6 May 2009
Wednesday 6th May, 2009
Dear Diary
Today I have been searching for flights to Bucharest. I am delighted that Alexa has asked me to stay longer than the weekend and has asked me to stay for a week which I am so happy to be doing. I have found a flight which I am going to book on Friday and then I cant wait to be able to show it to Alexa so she can see when my plane will arrive. The flight will be arriving on the 30th June and I will be flying back on the 7th July, I just hope this is ok with Alexa as we had agreed with me coming on the 1st of July. I cant wait to meet her and kneel before her in person. Tomorrow I will be getting in touch with the Romanian Embassy with questions of how to relocate to Romania. Becoming Alexa's slave is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I will treasure her and honour her always.
Today I have been searching for flights to Bucharest. I am delighted that Alexa has asked me to stay longer than the weekend and has asked me to stay for a week which I am so happy to be doing. I have found a flight which I am going to book on Friday and then I cant wait to be able to show it to Alexa so she can see when my plane will arrive. The flight will be arriving on the 30th June and I will be flying back on the 7th July, I just hope this is ok with Alexa as we had agreed with me coming on the 1st of July. I cant wait to meet her and kneel before her in person. Tomorrow I will be getting in touch with the Romanian Embassy with questions of how to relocate to Romania. Becoming Alexa's slave is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I will treasure her and honour her always.
Tuesday, 5 May 2009
Tuesday 5th May, 2009
Dear Diary,
Today I have been looking for flights for my visit to Bucharest and to meet Alexa. It has been quite frustrating to find cheap flights, but my beautiful Alexa has reassured me that there are cheap deals and that I will find them. We have discussed what we will be doing when I arrive in Bucharest and I can't wait, Im very excited and wish I was there now as it is where I belong and at Alexa's side is where Im meant to be and where im destined to be. Nothing will stop me or stand in my way of being her lifelong slave. It is who I am and I am so very very proud to be owned by Alexa. I also can't wait to see her face when I bring her her gift. Her smile will light up my world. I really don't want to go to work this evening but I know every penny I earn takes me nearer to goal of relocating to Romania.
Today I have been looking for flights for my visit to Bucharest and to meet Alexa. It has been quite frustrating to find cheap flights, but my beautiful Alexa has reassured me that there are cheap deals and that I will find them. We have discussed what we will be doing when I arrive in Bucharest and I can't wait, Im very excited and wish I was there now as it is where I belong and at Alexa's side is where Im meant to be and where im destined to be. Nothing will stop me or stand in my way of being her lifelong slave. It is who I am and I am so very very proud to be owned by Alexa. I also can't wait to see her face when I bring her her gift. Her smile will light up my world. I really don't want to go to work this evening but I know every penny I earn takes me nearer to goal of relocating to Romania.
Monday, 4 May 2009
a slave's fantasy
I awoke to a beautiful summer's morning the sun shining through the window. Under my sheets I was naked as had I been instructed to sleep this way from now on, I readily agreed. I got up and got myself a shower the warm water trickling down my body. I felt refreshed and invigorated and ready for the day. And it was to be a special day for today was to be my first bdsm session with Alexa. I had no idea what she had in store for me, all those delicious devices she had planned to use on me. All I could know for certain was that my mind was about to be opened to a new way of feeling and thinking, my slavery was going to become more indellibly marked in my psyche. I got ready and made my way to Alexa's where my initiation was waiting for me. Today I was going to be transformed into a pure bdsm slave bitch and this is how I would be for the rest of my life. I knocked on the door and Alexa opened it and told me to come in. She sat me down and asked what I expected of the session, I replied I had no idea what to expect but I was eager to begin my moulding into her perfect toy. She smiled and said she was glad and that she had chosen wisely, I blushed pure pride, I longed to be praised by her and was utterly devoted to her. She said that after today I would never be the same again that she was going to mark me with more than physical pain, she would be shaping my mind making me more and more submissive to her. I shuddered with delight. She stood up and bid me to do as well and beckoned me to the room where my life would change forever. Instantly in the room she grabbed my arms and tied them in chains she placed a blindfold over my eyes. My mind raced my heart beat faster than it had ever before. I was in a state of alertness I had not known. My ears filled with the drum beat of my heart pounding. Before I had a chance to relax a gag was thrust violently into my mouth and strapped around my neck. Good bitch I could hear Alexa say, you are my property and as such I can and I will do anything I desire to you. I will violate you, I will totrure you, I will tease you, I will humiliate you and you will beg for everything that happens to you. You will be trained to obey without thought, without hesitation. You will be moulded into my perfect toy, my perfect accessory and you will love me for it. My beauty, my body will make you my bitch, my mind will consume you and elevate you to the highest level of slavery. With a crack the whip Alexa had picked up crashed down onto my naked buttocks again and again she danced around my prostate form whipping me from all sides. In my delirium I could not tell where she was coming from or when she would strike me. She forced me over and mercilessly whipped my balls, my muffled moans causing Alexa to laugh in delight. I was totally and completely helpless just where Alexa wanted me and exactly where I craved to be. Our union of the slave and the domina was praised in the sound of the whip cracking onto soft exposed flesh. The whipping lasted for what seemed heady hours before I felt an overwhelming burning sensation dripping down my back, the unmistakeable scent of candle wax filled my nostrils, just as the pain of burning wax was becoming excruciating Alexa poured it all over my most sensitive area the helmet of my penis, I roared in agony but that only spurred Alexa on but suddenly the heat was replaced with cold as my dick was plunged into freezing ice pain disappeared and ecstasy took its place as my balls were drained. My heavy panting leaving me exhausted and changed permanently, Alexa had begun to make me hers...
my pride at being owned by Alexa
I am proudly owned by the beautiful Alexa and I belong to her now and always. No woman could ever take me away from her or tempt or seduce me. My soul is hers, my heart is hers, my mind is hers. I am hers to use and abuse as she sees fit. My only wish is that I serve her well and she can mould me into the best slave which brings her happiness. I exist solely for her purpose and I feel great honour and pride for I have been chosen to relocate to Romania to be her lifelong slave to be at her feet always. My true path and destiny has been decided and I take my place as her bitch till the day I die.
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